


that's okay

by jonginika



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bottom Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Military, Sexual Content, Slice of Life, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, yes they cry during sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 20:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19483690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonginika/pseuds/jonginika
Summary: Kyungsoo's enlistment hits him and Jongin pretty hard, forcing them into some sort of weird long-distance relationship.Turns out, things go a lot better than expected.





	that's okay

**Author's Note:**

> this whole thing was inspired by a conversation between me and oomfs, also it's to see kyungsoo's situation in a ~more positive~ light. if per chance any korean man who already went to the military reads this, i'm sorry. my knowledge about the south korean military is very limited, so i'm sorry if there are a lot of inaccuracies. as always, i tried to include things and facts that are canon.
> 
> apart from that, i'm sorry if there's any mistakes, because i wrote the majority of this in the middle of the night, so that's on that.

The first thing Jongin does in the morning is check his phone, but today there is no reason for him to. He knows it’s still dark outside and that he woke up in the middle of the night. He knows exactly why he couldn’t sleep through. 

He also knows exactly what date today is. Actually, it’s what comes into his mind the moment he gains consciousness. Yeah, it’s the first day of July. 

So today, the first thing Jongin does is pull the pliant, peacefully sleeping body next to him close. The person is grumbling lowly in his sleep but doesn’t resist the hand resting on top of the thin comforter over where his waist is supposed to be. Jongin leans forward and tilts his head down slightly to nuzzle his own nose against Kyungsoo’s, then his eyes shift down to catch onto his lover’s soft heart-shaped lips that are formed into a pout. He takes a couple seconds to make sense of the fact that Kyungsoo, the man right in front of him, is actually a real person – and his real boyfriend. 

Jongin proceeds to leave a delicate kiss on the plump pair of lips and Kyungsoo’s eyelids start fluttering lightly at the motion in his sleep. Jongin sighs. He tucks Kyungsoo’s head into where his shoulder is so he can place his chin comfortably on top of the bald head. His heart rate slows down as he basks in the comforting feeling of the short hair under his fingertips, light touches from him massaging and rubbing the scalp. 

After a while, his movements still so his hand is simply resting on the side of Kyungsoo’s head, cupping it gently. He stops looking down on the cute man tucked in under his chin, snoring onto his collarbones quietly, and fixes his gaze on a random spot on the wall right in front of him instead. 

While Jongin wouldn’t call himself religious, he speaks a little prayer in his mind for his lover’s health and happiness while he stares at the white wallpaper for once. He slowly removes his hand from the bald head, so he can use it to reach out for Kyungsoo’s arm, put it around his own waist carefully and then do the same with his own arm to Kyungsoo. Stealing one last glance at the older, he is more than glad that at least he is getting proper sleep and can rest untroubled. 

Then, Jongin tries to fall asleep again – full of love, but also with a heavy heart. Because who knows when he’ll be able to do all this in the tranquility of their own home again. 

*

“I don’t want to leave you.”

That’s the first thing Kyungsoo mumbles into Jongin’s chest when they both wake up at the sound of the alarm going off. He rather sounds like he’s whining just for the sake of whining than because he is particularly sad.   
Jongin laughs, his boyfriend’s silliness distracting him from today’s events for a moment. It’s warm in the room and when Kyungsoo sits up in the bed, the blanket falls down from where it was draped around his upper body previously. His fair skin tone is exposed now, together with a little less pronounced collarbones and a fuller chest. 

Jongin realizes the state of undress Kyungsoo is in, knowing they both are completely bare under the covers too and revels in the intimate hours they spent together yesterday in the evening from until into the night. 

Making sweet love under dim warm light from the nightstand with soft beats playing in the background was exactly what they both needed last night. Jongin didn’t wanted to call it goodbye sex, but at the end, he figures it kind of was goodbye sex. Fortunately, not the one with broken hearts and minds filled with hatred for the other, but they both included the sheer endless streams of tears falling down cheeks nobody really fancied experiencing. 

They both thought everything was going just fine and that they were finally getting over this whole… unfortunate matter while they exchanged kisses sticky with the adoration they carried with them and while hands latched onto each others bodies as if forced by some sort of magnetic pull. 

But the moment Jongin moved his hands to the hem of Kyungsoo’s T-shirt, ready to take it off when he was seated in Jongin’s lap, arms around his neck and playing with the pink-brownish hair at the nape, the dam broke. Tears started welling up in Kyungsoo’s eyes and immediately followed a strict path down his cheeks as Jongin pulled the white material over the older’s head to remove it. 

Seeing his boyfriend in this distressed state instantly worried Jongin. He started moving his hands to caress Kyungsoo’s upper thighs, his skin sensing the itchy cotton of the boxer shorts the other was still wearing. 

“Jagi...”, he called out softly, using his pet name, “What’s wrong?”

He leaned closer to take a look at Kyungsoo’s face and started stroking the side of his right arm up and down, up and down, up and down until Kyungsoo’s breaths eventually became less and less shallow. 

“I-”, Kyungsoo began, collecting himself, “I don’t want this to be the last time we are like this for such a long time. When you-, when you removed my shirt I just kind of realized I won’t get to have you close like this for such a long time. I’d never let anyone else but you make love to me but... why do I feel like this is going to be a goodbye?”

While he was talking, his eyes became watery again and this time, Jongin’s body copied that action, making him teary-eyed as well. 

“This hurts. I hate it.”, Kyungsoo concluded, tone dull with sadness.   
Jongin nodded empathetically and then unhurriedly lowered Kyungsoo into their soft bed sheets, laying him down. 

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. Let’s enjoy this and not think about tomorrow.”, he swallowed down the urge to tear up, “I don’t want to see you hurt. It hurts so much, seeing you like this. Please let me take care of you.”

Of course Kyungsoo agreed, albeit his eyes still glistened with tears. So Jongin straddled him and allowed himself to watch the smaller for a few heart beats. His body was looking fuller, so healthy, with a little pudgy stomach and pronounced curves. He loved it so much and he couldn’t be happier knowing that Kyungsoo spent his time eating to his heart’s content without worrying about weight or how presentable he looked. 

On the other hand, the other’s body served as a reminder of what was going to take place just tomorrow. 

“Why are you the one crying now?”, Kyungsoo whispered from under him, looking up to him with huge eyes. Jongin didn’t realize there were several drops of salty water dripping onto Kyungsoo’s chest and immediately used the back of his hand to get rid of the liquid pooling in his eyes. 

Kyungsoo was so tender to him too, their relationship was truly built on mutual respect and care, Jongin just couldn’t hold back. He was so incredibly infatuated with the man underneath him that it didn’t feel real sometimes. There actually was this fear deep down, deep inside of him, the fear that one day Kyungsoo would just vanish from his life. Without explanation – nothing. 

“Jongin?”, Kyungsoo called out again after the younger didn’t respond. 

Jongin snapped out of his short trance and looked at Kyungsoo staring at him concerned, brows furrowed, but expression still so soft. 

He couldn’t contain his smile anymore and simply responded with “It’s nothing, it’s okay” before leaning down to catch Kyungsoo’s lips in a reassuring kiss, pouring all his emotions into the way his lips were moving against the others.

He grinded down on his lap with one motion, watching the way Kyungsoo’s thighs quivered shortly before they locked eyes and Jongin saw a smile blossoming on his lover’s face – bodies so in tune with each other that he didn’t even have to think about the radiant smile turning up on his own face as well. 

Jongin shuffled off his lap to slowly tug at Kyungsoo’s tight boxers too, taking them off sensually. He grabbed the bottle of lube standing on their drawer and spread Kyungsoo’s milky legs apart, hooking them over his shoulders.   
Obediently, Kyungsoo took a hold on his semi-erect dick and pressed it towards his stomach so Jongin had better access to the already quivering hole. He didn’t even begin to move his hand up and down or squeeze his dick for stimulation because Jongin loved making him come untouched and he loved making his lover happy too. 

Jongin pumped his fingers in and out with ease, 8 years of practice speaking. While he stretched out the hole, he paid attention to how Kyungsoo’s facial expression changed with every crook of his fingers. He took in the raised thick eyebrows, his obscenely opened mouth forcefully shut as he bit his lower lip to keep himself from whimpering. His eyes were closed, focusing on the sensation on his body rather than on his sense of sight. 

The younger used his free hand to caress his boyfriend’s body, exploring every inch of skin anew. He loved how Kyungsoo was subtly writhing underneath him, one of his hands coming up to hold the one Jongin just had used to brush over his lover’s neck. When their fingers were fully intertwined, Kyungsoo opened his eyes to give Jongin the most tender look he had ever seen in his life. 

His boyfriend was such a softie, it warmed Jongin’s heart. While he removed his lube-coated fingers and guided his cock to Kyungsoo’s puckered entrance, he thought about how the smaller wasn’t a man of many words, but loved to show affection through his actions in his own unique ways. 

When he finally pushed in, eyes not leaving Kyungsoo’s face, he was overwhelmed. That was his pretty boyfriend spread out on the bed under him. That was his boyfriend being the most gentle and caring man in the world. That was his boyfriend he could always lean on. The man who always complimented and saw him for the things everybody disregarded. And he would leave him so soon.

Without realizing, single drops of tears yet again made their way down Jongin’s cheek soundlessly. He know he was reacting irrationally, but his body couldn’t keep its dramatic side at bay today. 

“Can you stop crying while your dick is buried six inches deep inside of me.”, Kyungsoo moaned and at the same time complained jokingly in an effort to ease the burderning mood. He tried to police Jongin, but quickly shut up when he felt him drag into his heat even deeper. 

“I was just getting a bit emotional...”, Jongin tried to reason, voice hoarse. The tear tracks on his cheeks were drying, nonetheless he sniffled twice before being able to keep his composure again, “But if you want to complain about my way of showing love to you.. I can do different as well.” His statement was accompanied by a precise thrust, causing his cockhead to dig right into Kyungsoo’s prostate. The swift snaps of Jongin’s hips against the back of his boyfriend’s thighs echoed in the room and caused the both of them to pant erratically.

Letting Jongin fuck the sadness out of him indeed sounded like the best idea ever on how to end this night.

*

Jongin is brought back to his senses when the older speaks up, mind seemingly not foggy from sleep anymore.

“Jongin, today’s the day.”, Kyungsoo gulps, looking at his boyfriend. Even if Jongin’s bed hair looks hilarious as always, Kyungsoo doesn’t feel like making fun about trivial things like that today. 

“Hyung! Don’t think about this right now, you don’t have to worry yet. Leave that for when you actually have a reason to, silly.”, he responds cheerfully, but Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the deeply swollen bags under Jongin’s eyes from their recent crying session. 

“I want to spend a nice morning with you today.”, Jongin says, voice thick and strained. He throws himself onto Kyungsoo’s bare body, sharing warmth innocently and smelling his lovely natural scent. Kyungsoo tries to forget about the hidden “before you have to go and I have to wake up alone every day” Jongin hasn’t spoken out loud.

He agrees with his partner. He wants to spend one last nice morning in their apartment too. He hopes the world will grant them this one wish. 

*

Things go relatively well in the morning, although the atmosphere is naturally heavy considering their circumstances. Kyungsoo is packing the last few things into the big black backpack he’s carrying with him and Jongin feels something clench in his chest upon seeing his boyfriend stuff personal items and memories into the bag to hold onto later whenever he’s feeling lonely.

They leave the apartment without cleaning up greatly. The bed may be still unmade, Jongin is sure there are some cups and plates still on the coffee table in their living room and the laundry is already piling in its assigned basket. While it feels more casual leaving like this, Jongin is already upset thinking about returning to a lively home alone.

At least there will be plenty chores to do for him to distract him from the dull ache he is about to experience in a few hours.

*

Eating jajangmyeon with the rest of the members at the restaurant before leaving seems like an appropriate way to say farewell and Kyungsoo is glad that Junmyeon came up with the idea. They talk a lot at the table and surprisingly, everything is really light hearted with all the members genuinely enjoying the get-together – especially as Yixing is finally able to participate in one of their meetings too. They all missed him, and just like that, they all forget about his enlistment for the duration of the steaming hot and rich meal. 

However, after they arrive at the destination where Kyungsoo is supposed to be sent off, not even the banter started by Baekhyun and Jongdae can defuse the bomb that is the collective stress caused by Kyungsoo’s inevitable military service. 

The weather outside is great – sun shining brightly and temperature high but not too high. The vines plastered on the gray wall behind them are swaying in the breeze while the members take turns delivering their last message to the future soldier. Some members try to be more diplomatic with the whole thing, already having conveyed their thoughts during a personal meal or stroll together and some give him a heartfelt long essay that may or may not evoke tiny sniffles from the members. 

Stay healthy, Kyungsoo-yah. Be happy. Don’t miss us too much. Eat well, Kyungja. Don’t worry too much, Soo. 

Every statement is accompanied by a strong, long-lasting hug – the members patting or rubbing Kyungsoo’s back as they show affection. They all smile sweetly as they look at everybody interacting and showing so much love towards each other openly. They take silly pictures together to post for their fans and grab Kyungsoo’s bald head dramatically with their manager being in charge of snapping every moment. 

And then, it’s Jongin’s turn.

He walks towards his bandmate slash boyfriend to face him directly, one arm going up to hold onto Kyungsoo’s shoulder. He averts his gaze down slightly to accommodate for Kyungsoo’s shorter height, his eyes piercing into his boyfriend’s. 

The atmosphere is heavy, the other members standing in the background with unsure anticipation painted on their faces, unknowing how the couple’s last sighting for the next few weeks will go. 

“Hyung.”, he starts, tilting his head to put additional emphasis on the word. He has already mentally prepared about a hundred different things to say to his boyfriend, when-

“I love you.”, Kyungsoo suddenly interrupts him and buries his face in his chest with a sob escaping him. Overwhelmed, Jongin blinks a few times at the newfound weight leaning on his chest but then embraces Kyungsoo’s body without any hesitation. He’s already prepared to simply comfort Kyungsoo by holding him close until he calms down, but unexpectedly, the other lifts up his head from his chest and looks at him with a tear-stricken face. They both loosen the grip they have on each other’s arms, but don’t detach themselves completely. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m going just like that.”, he continues, chest heaving irregularly, on the edge of hyperventilating, “I know we talked about this enough but I feel like I’m disappointing you.”

“I don’t… I don’t want you to be mad at me.”, he adds. And with those words, he breaks down again. The heavy sniffing sounds from Kyungsoo continue as he drops both of his arms to hang down stiffly at his sides and his shoulders start shaking up and down. 

“Oh no, Kyungsoo…. I’m not mad at you. Not at all.”, Jongin puts on a soft voice to say it reassuringly, his hands resting on top of Kyungsoo’s trembling shoulders. His hand moves to the side of Kyungsoo’s head in an attempt to tuck strands of hair behind his ear out of habit – but all he’s feeling under his skin is his now prickly short hair. He grimaces for a second, upset coming back to him, but resumes petting his head nonetheless. 

“It’s okay. I love you.”, he whispers just for Kyungsoo to hear. The older isn’t showing any signs of stopping his hiccups though, so Jongin needs to intercept with drastic measures. He starts pecking his boyfriend’s lips over and over in an attempt to shush him and make him calm down peck by peck. The kisses are slow and languid, Jongin dragging his plump top lip over his boyfriend’s pair. Kyungsoo is too nervous to react, still shaking with uncertainty, so Jongin keeps up his one-sided act. He knows it’s soothing him, even if he’s not able to show it to him properly at this moment in time.

The members in the background are watching and avoiding the exchange at the same time due to how much of an intimate moment it is. Chanyeol is laughing lowly, mumbling “Cute~” as he watches the pair. Kyungsoo has always been a sensitive person – even if he tries to hide it while he’s in the spotlight – which luckily washes away the worries of the remaining members as he is not genuinely depressed over the issue, but solemnly touchy about it by nature. 

They know he’ll cope just fine. Yes, there are a ton of scary stories and reports from men who have been to the military before, sharing experiences of being shouted at and bullied by the higher ranked, but Kyungsoo has met up with his brother not too long ago. With Seungsoo already having been to the military, he surely gave him some tips on how to act and get through the whole thing as safely as possible. Over seafood and walks with Meokmul there were plenty of topics to talk about with his brother – and Kyungsoo even showed off some phrases and salutes he’ll have to use while the members scooped up sticky black glazed noodles with their chopsticks. 

Looking back to the couple, Kyungsoo has calmed down in Jongin’s arms. Still, both of their eyes are glossy as they are about to bid goodbye to each other. Jongin has a hold on his boyfriend’s waist, but suddenly Kyungsoo leans down, opens the zipper of his bag and takes out his wallet. 

“In case my comrades start to brag about their girlfriends in the camp.”, he says in a cheerfully joking tone and flips open the purse. On the left side of the ajar wallet there is his card holder – as always – but when Jongin diverts his gaze to the other side, he sees something.

Right beneath the transparent cover of another pocket designed for holding bills, lays a picture of him. At first glance it looks like one of Jongin’s photocards, but upon further inspection Jongin realizes that it’s a picture taken of him in private. It’s nothing extravagant, just him smiling into the camera bare faced while he’s sitting on their bed (as he can tell from the background that definitely resembles their headboard). 

Kyungsoo looks up expectantly to gauge his reaction. 

“We both know you won’t show this to anyone, hyung.”, he laughs and throws his head to the side, closing his eyes while he’s scoffing to poke fun at him, “I can still be your military wife, though.”

“Ah! Jagiya! Fighting! I’ll cheer for you everyday, my husband! Without you, caring for the rice plants will be difficult, but I will work harder and make you proud of your crops!”, Jongin shrieks and pretends to wave with a handkerchief for imitation. The corners of Kyungsoo’s mouth tilt up at the silly copy. 

“You know I don’t mean it like that. I just wanted you to know that theoretically, I’m perfectly prepared to show off my pretty idol boyfriend!”, he reacts, “Apart from that, of course I want you to be close to me always, even if it’s just in form of a picture...” His voice is becoming gradually softer as he speaks.

“Well, if you wanted to see me at all times why didn’t you print out a picture of me and put it on the dial of your watch, hm?”, Jongin snickers and points to the black Casio watch sitting on top of the older’s dainty wrist. As he will not have any access to his mobile phone during basic training, the most cruel part of it all, he decided to take his watch with him so he won’t feel completely disoriented with time at least. 

“...Why can you never read the mood?! I was trying to be romantic here!”, Kyungsoo retorts, pretending to be outraged, however, he smiles at his lover brightly. 

All of a sudden, the horn of the car that’s situated a few meters away from them honks, Kyungsoo’s driver clearly growing impatient. 

Jongin turns to the source of noise briefly, but quickly glues his eyes to Kyungsoo again. He takes a deep breath and sighs audibly, shoulders sagging down. 

“I guess it’s time to say goodbye.”, he declares. 

“Wait, you’re not coming to the ceremony with me?”

“You know I can’t come to the base with you… Whether you want it or not, fansites and sasaengs are gonna be there. So… bad idea. Anyways, we wouldn’t have a lot of time to talk anyways. No skinship either because we’re in public. I want to part with good memories like this.” 

Kyungsoo nods eagerly to signal him that he got the message. He grabs the big backpack and shoulders it with a little huff. Jongin repeats the messages he received from the other members, like “eat well”, “watch your health”, but they sound different coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth.

“Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time to talk to each other and communicate. Everything will be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”, Jongin says. 

The younger then cups Kyungsoo’s face with both of his hands, allowing himself to get lost in caressing the soft skin of his cheeks with his rough thumbs for some time. Kyungsoo’s arms wind around his waist, pulling him closer. Jongin squishes his lover’s cute cheeks together slightly and finally leans forward to capture the full, familiar lips with his mouth. Both of their eyes are closed, lids completely relaxed and lashes fluttering a little. It’s a soft and subtle push and pull – the way Kyungsoo tugs on Jongin’s lower lip, drawing him closer, the way Jongin gently applies pressure on the other’s lips, savoring every moment of contact. 

After a good ten seconds of sweet butterfly kissing, maybe tainted with some bitter despair too, they pull apart slowly. Jongin keeps his hands on Kyungsoo’s cheeks as he speaks up, warmth seeping through his palms. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”, Kyungsoo has to swallow down the lump in his throat. 

They hug each other one last time, bodies pressing up against each other, fingers digging into each other’s backs delicately. They slowly detach from one another, not breaking eye contact in the meantime. They speak through their eyes, Jongin nodding approvingly before Kyungsoo turns around and his feet start carrying him to the car. 

Everybody lines up on the curbside as the door closes and Kyungsoo has put his seat belt on. He winds the car window down fully to take a look at his band mates. He sticks his hand out of the window to wave to all of them enthusiastically, immediately receiving waves back. The members shout some last words of encouragement and Jongin smiles brightly towards Kyungsoo as he gives him a thumbs up. The engine starts revving and soon after the wheels of the SUV start rolling. 

“Yeah, he’s gone...”, Jongin says, sniffling when the car eventually disappears from his field of vision. He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his plaid shirt and faces the members’ concerned looks at him with a weak smile on his face, “I’ll be fine.”

*

Honestly, the first 5 weeks of basic training in the military simply suck. There’s no other way to put it into words. He has to get used to an entirely different daily routine, having to wake up early when he would just cuddle deeper into the bed on his days off as idol, eating bland dishes prepared by unmotivated kitchen staff when he is used to dining at three star Michellin restaurants.

Not to mention the grueling physical labor everyday that not only includes marches and drills, but also being recruited to clean and scrub the cafeteria floors in the evening due to the lack of funds given to the Korean army. 

Kyungsoo has spent his time before the enlistment lazing around and definitely not bothering to prepare his body for the extreme exercise, making him suffer intense cramps and muscle aches on some days. 

But after he gets the gist of it all, it becomes endurable. Kyungsoo has proven to be very skilled with guns (which isn’t really something to be proud of, he ponders), hitting the targets with amazing precision. His high dexterity even won him some short phone calls with his family as he scored in the top 3 in his assigned group. 

Despite common belief, Kyungsoo is actually quite the social butterfly depending on the situation he’s in. In general, he gets along with many people due to his courtesy and is a likable person. When they get to know him and see his caring and unexpectedly funny side, most people feel safe around him and develop the instinct to protect and guard the smaller man. But they also have a lot of respect for him and his determination when it comes to tackling challenges and chasing after his ambitions. Once you get to know Do Kyungsoo, his personality just draws you in with how intriguing it is. 

It’s no wonder that Kyungsoo quickly finds other soldiers to hang out with during breaks – even if in most cases he is the one being approached (he doubts that most of them care about his idol background, although everybody knows him, either from one of his acting projects or since his enlistment news broke out internationally). Most of them are nicer than he presumed, kids fresh out of school who are good at heart if you disregard their ordinarily lackluster and indifferent attitude. As their hyung, many look up to him and Kyungsoo is glad that they don’t try to pry about his private life as well. 

For the most part, it’s still really boring at the base. Military is considered the manliest thing to do, and so the soldiers are all trying to prove that they’re the manliest of their bunch too. That’s why the free time activities are catered all around those interests. Playing football is really popular, beside from that the soldiers like gathering to play some card games and share snacks they received from their families.

Kyungsoo has always rather been the theater kid in high school than the nerd or jock by any means, so the constant football games playing on the TV installed in their big sleeping room is more of a nuisance than a way to unwind after an exhausting day in his opinion. He’s glad he has packed some books with him after Jongin has inspired him to start reading novels to kill time and temporarily forget about the entire burden on him. So he sits on his cheap bed, props the singular thin pillow he possesses behind his back and starts reading the Japanese thriller Jongin has recommended to him, his boyfriend wanting to finally be able to talk to somebody about that one allegedly insane plot twist at the end of the novel. 

The EXO members are not able to attend his graduation ceremony for finishing the basic training due to their packed schedules, but it’s fine because his family has visited the base to congratulate their son for accomplishing the hardest part of it all. 

Relieve washes over him as Kyungsoo is accepted to serve as an army cook for the remaining time of his duty after the authorities saw the cooking certificate he had acquired barely a month before he left. The moment he is handed his mobile phone back, he excuses himself from his brother and parents as he looks for a vacant corner and dials the number at the top of his contacts. The happiness in Jongin’s voice as he answers the phone almost makes Kyungsoo cry. 

*

Fast forward and Kyungsoo has quickly started acknowledging his work as a chef as an actual job apart from his normal idol life. It kind of feels like he’s in an alternative universe where he now has the chance to live freely on his own, cooking as his profession this time – just without the part of actually living freely as he’s still quite imprisoned in the military base. 

Now that he is allowed to keep his phone though, he doesn’t feel as homesick anymore. After the official work day ends, or even during breaks, he’s glued to his phone. 

He remembers when he video called Jongin for the first time, which also marked the first time they were able to talk properly since July 1st. Kyungsoo had his headphones plugged in, making sure nobody could eavesdrop on their conversation. Other people being around constantly and the resulting lack of privacy also forced Kyungsoo to watch his words while he facetimed his boyfriend.

A huge smile erupted on Kyungsoo’s face as the call finally connected, revealing their faces to each other. Jongin gave him a little wave and held his phone close to his face, pretending to give him a silly little kiss through the screen. As reaction, Kyungsoo puckered his big lips to imitate a kiss as well, sending the younger a playful wink after. They exchanged some more sappy words and gestures as greeting, after that Jongin asked his boyfriend to tell him about his life in the army and if everything is fine (yes), if he was healthy (yes, but he’s obviously been losing some weight) and if he had received the care packages Jongin meticulously bound together and decorated with a small pink bow in the middle (yes, everybody enjoyed the inconspicuous chocolates Jongin had sent him, but he was glad he was the one eating the last pieces, because cheesy Jongin decided to leave him a “Hyung, fighting!~ ♥” message at the bottom of the sleek cardboard box).

“So… how are you holding up?”, Kyungsoo asked back, offering a sweet smile. He changed his position and lay down on his stomach, leaning his phone against the wall in front of him so he could move his arms freely. When Kyungsoo was done sorting himself out and stared into the phone camera, Jongin spoke up.   
“To be honest...”, he began, “It’s hard.” The younger looked to the side, avoiding the camera, and if Kyungsoo’s eyes weren’t betraying him, there seemed to be a thin film of water coating Jongin’s eyes.

Jongin diverted his gaze to the ceiling and pressed his lips together in an attempt to calm himself down. He didn’t want to worry or overwhelm Kyungsoo, and most importantly: He did not want to make him feel upset.

“Waking up in bed alone.. It felt weird. Normally, first thing I do is check my phone. but I don’t have that habit anymore. Now I think about you when I wake up.”, he mumbled, some words not caught clearly because he was speaking into the void beside him, “But it’s okay. I’ve been hogging all the blankets. It’s like I’m sleeping in a nice cocoon. I never noticed how warm your presence beside me actually is. Those are the times I feel really grateful for everything.”

He laughed. “Ah, sorry hyung. I didn’t want to make it this sentimental.” A short pause, Jongin seemed to be contemplating something. “But… I’ll probably stop spending most of my nights here. Managing this apartment for the two of us alone… it doesn’t feel right.”

Kyungsoo nodded, even if Jongin couldn’t see it. Jongin finally turned his head to the camera again. He gladly didn’t seem too upset.

“It’s not so bad! Don’t worry! Mom already said I’m always welcome at hers and I’ve been spending a lot of time with Junmyeon-hyung in the dorm lately. The only sad thing is that I can’t stare at the pictures I put up of you anymore.”, Jongin showed him a genuine smile, corners of his mouth pulling up in a way that caused his eyes to crinkle, too. 

“Ah, you and that picture frame decorating hobby you developed… I’m still a little bit creeped out with how many pictures of me you have hanging on your wall.”

“Correction, hyung. Pictures of us, not only you. I love looking at that pic where you are bundled up in you padded jacket and drown in the big scarf I gifted you, looking at the candied apple I bought you at the fair with that huge smile on your face. I recently hung it up right next to our bed. Love looking at it before I go to sleep, you look so cute. See!”, and with that Jongin sat up to film the neatly framed photograph in the dim light his night lamp offers. Kyungsoo actually couldn’t see a single thing, but he kept that fact to himself. 

When Jongin was done showing off photos of Kyungsoo to Kyungsoo, he turned back to face his lover and they did the thing where they just breathed and stared at each other through the screen for a solid minute. Other people would probably think it’s weird, but that’s just how they were. 

“I’m sad I couldn’t watch the first Exploration concert..”, Kyungsoo admitted out of nowhere, “You guys worked so hard to prepare good stage after all the sudden adjustments that had to be made. I wish I could’ve seen it.”

“You did see us rehearse multiple times, though. So at least you already saw every performance.”, then Jongin sighed, “But I know that’s not the same as sitting in the audience watching everything put together – or even better, you know, actually standing on that stage with us too. We all miss you, you and Minseok-hyung… and Lay-hyung... but we all learned to deal with it for the fans. No matter how many members we are, they expect perfection and entertainment to the highest standard.”

A pause. “I’m still glad we’re touring right now. All the concert preparation, practicing for my solo stage day and night, fooling around with the members during sound check – that’s the best distraction for me, from… you know… everything. I’m genuinely happy, even if everything is stressful at the moment. I mean, it’s not like I’m not already used to it.” 

They took turns with talking about how their individual lives are moving right now and Kyungsoo told him some stories from the camp. He had been able to tackle some of the difficult tasks as he just tried imagining that was a part of method acting for another role he would play in the future. He never won the competitions where you needed a lot of arm strength or big lung capacity, but he had some great motor skills to be proud of.

“Wah, I knew you would be doing really well, I bet everybody loves you! I’m glad things are going fine. I hope everybody knows you aren’t available though, I don’t really feel comfortable with the thought of any fanboy’s dirty eyes on you. We already know your fans want me dead.”, Jongin chuckled, “Anyways… I’m really happy for you. How does sending you another package soon sound? You know I have been really busy so I didn’t have the chance to send you one.”

“You don’t have to do that, please. Mom already smothers me with snacks. I’m afraid the sergeant won’t let her send me any more packages.”, Kyungsoo whined.

“Speaking of your mom… We talked on the phone yesterday and she proposed to make some of her special spicy marinated crab with soy sauce to deliver to you as well. Do you actually think that would be possible?” Jongin sounded genuinely curious. 

Kyungsoo let out a breathy laugh at that. “No, no, no, that won’t work. You can’t just send me an entire dish, that’s not how it works.”

“But hyung, it’s so delicious!”

*

While their first few calls and text messages always carried a serious demeanor and ended with supportive words as well as with some huffs of frustration or longing towards each other, Kyungsoo and Jongin have adjusted to their temporary long-distance relationship pretty easily. They’re back to their old mischievous ways, bickering with each other and joking around lightheartedly.

One night, on the weekend where they are exempted from any work, Kyungsoo’s roommates have decided to sneak out at night to get drunk in the forest, him declining because he feared the alcohol would make him loose up too much, the risk of spilling secrets to people who definitely shouldn’t know about them way too high. His comrades didn’t ask too many questions, but by now Kyungsoo’s sure they are already speculating about his relationship status. As long as they don’t spread any rumors, he doesn’t really care.

But now that he has the whole room to himself, he cuddles into his blankets and presses the little blue video camera button to dial his boyfriend. He doesn’t know when his roommates will come back, but he figures he should make use of every minute of privacy he gets. It rings for longer than usual and a glance on the time gives Kyungsoo away that maybe Jongin has already gone to sleep. If he remembers correctly, EXO are out of the country at the moment for a schedule, so that must’ve been tiring. 

Not even a few seconds after entertaining that thought, Jongin picks up. He isn’t wearing a shirt and the angle looks weird from how Jongin just grabbed the phone he recklessly threw on the bed before showering. His hair is wet and the long strands fall on his forehead, some of the water dripping down the tips. In the background Kyungsoo can see the sterile interior of the room, confirming that Jongin’s indeed in a hotel room right now. 

Jongin settles into his bed as well and adjusts his camera so Kyungsoo gets a good view of his toned abs – all while he has a lazy smirk on his face. 

“You missed me, baby?”, Jongin teases him, slightly pulling at the hem of his boxers. 

“No, I just wanted to see your sexy body again, so can you finally get your ugly face out of the camera?”, he deadpans. 

The waistband abruptly snaps against Jongin’s skin as he grimaces at his boyfriend, scandalized. 

“If I was right next to you you wouldn’t act all bratty like this.”, Jongin retorts in a firm and assertive tone, meant to display his dominance to Kyungsoo, but still in a joking manner. 

“Anyways...”, Jongin trails off, “Why did you call me?”

“I’m alone right now. The room’s empty.”, Kyungsoo answers flatly.

“Really?”, his lover gasps on the other end.

“Yes. This is your opportunity to ask me to show you my ass.”, he says in the most monotonous voice he can figure, catching Jongin off-guard, “I know you miss it.”

There is an indescribable glint in Kyungsoo’s eyes as he teases his boyfriend. Jongin can only imagine what Kyungsoo is doing when his hand disappears from the phone screen and he hears the faint sound of a light slap. 

“Yeah baby, show me your ass in those ugly camouflage pants you’re wearing”, Jongin makes fun of him, but continues – more serious, “I bet it still looks good in them though.”

“You can judge for yourself.”, Kyungsoo says and sits up. He takes his phone and tries to give Jongin a good look of his backside. Of course he arches his back and sticks his hips out to ensure Jongin has the best view. He grabs one of the supple cheeks and playfully kneads it. Kyungsoo hopes it’s actually caught on the camera. 

Jongin, who has unconsciously leaned forward to get closer to his phone screen, suddenly falls back into the soft cushion of a dozen of pillows behind him. He settles his head comfortably on the headboard now.

“Ah, I’m so frustrated.”, he exhales loudly. He throws a quick glance at his lap, not amused at the thickened print straining through his boxers. 

“Yeah… me too.”, Kyungsoo admits, breathing out the words as he subtly rubs his flat palm against his crotch, sliding down all the way to where his sensitive rim is supposed to be, confined in the tight pair of pants. 

“It’s really not fun jerking off to just a mental image every day. The things my bed sheets and pillows back home have seen the last few months… It’s honestly embarrassing.”, Jongin whines.

“Maybe you should get a body pillow of me.”, Kyungsoo proposes, “At least you can cum all over a picture instead of a blank bed sheet then. Maybe that’s less embarrassing.”

“You’re acting like you aren’t secretly fingering yourself in the community showers at night thinking about my cock tearing you apart and my hands holding you in place.”, Jongin shoots back. The suddenly serious tone throws Kyungsoo off. 

Something in the mood changes in an instant, and it feels like time is slowing down for the two of them. Kyungsoo doesn’t dare to answer.

“So.. You said you really are alone right now?”, Jongin questions, tension thick.

“Yeah...”, Kyungsoo replies, gulping. There is some rustling heard from the other end of the video call. His blood rushes so loudly in his head that the sound of a bottle being uncapped almost misses him.

“Good.”

*

Jongin was right. Everybody at his station does love Kyungsoo. While he doesn’t receive any privileges purely because of his idol status and wealth, his sergeant tends to be lenient with him. It’s most likely because Kyungsoo never causes any disturbances or gets into conflicts – all he does is pour all his heart and mind into cooking tasty food for all the soldiers.

Kyungsoo may or may not have noticed that he has some admirers in the camp, and he admits to being guilty – yes, he uses the men fawning over him to his advantage sometimes. But he’d never trade in Jongin, the best and also most handsome boyfriend ever, for some young kid working to get his attention. 

It’s no wonder that the sergeant grants his request to have a friend visit him, especially because he informs him weeks in advance. Kyungsoo hesitates when his superior asks which friend would come by, not feeling comfortable with the thought of revealing Jongin’s existence to him, but he knows there is no way around this. 

If he refuses to tell him Jongin’s name and the sergeant sees him entering the building, he’d wonder why Kyungsoo has kept the identity of a mere colleague hidden. On the other side, it’s still suspicious that his bandmate is the first person to visit him and not his family or a potential girlfriend, even more because said bandmate is coming alone and not with the entire EXO ensemble.

But that’s a risk he’s willing to take, because he’s starting to really, really miss Jongin’s physical presence beside him. And he knows Jongin feels the same, with him being the one whining about wanting to see Kyungsoo as soon as possible, even going as far as offering to cancel his schedules because of it (Kyungsoo really doesn’t know when Jongin is joking sometimes…) The members have promised to visit Kyungsoo soon too, but they all immediately accepted not going for the first official visit after Jongin let his possessive side hang out a little bit. 

D-Day comes around in the blink of an eye, and Kyungsoo feels a little bit dumb for waiting in his ratty uniform while Jongin will make an entry as supermodel right out of the Vogue as always. When he looks out of the window of the room he’s waiting in, he can make out the gate to his station opening. Then he sees him. A tall man dressed in a black button down shirt and light blue washed jeans bows to the gatekeeper before handing in the visitor form, polite smile on his face after he’s allowed to go through. 

He strides across the path to his building complex confidently, but the way Jongin clutches his shoulder bag shows him that his boyfriend is nervous too. Half a minute of Kyungsoo’s heart beat speeding up and thrumming in his ears later, the door opens and their eyes find each other almost instantly. Jongin shoots him a kind smile, eyes softening upon the sight of his long-term boyfriend. 

It just dawns to him like that. Kyungsoo realizes that he and Jongin will be able to go through anything in the world together. Because the way Jongin looks at him hasn’t changed at all, even if they didn’t have any physical contact for over three months now. He isn’t more careful around him, or more direct, or more “passionate”, Jongin is just himself. He doesn’t have to greet him with a bouquet of roses, he doesn’t have to pull him into his arms and spin him around. He smiles, his eyes become watery, and that’s all the validation the older needs. 

Kyungsoo still feels the same towards him, too. 

Timidly, Jongin walks towards the bench his lover is sitting on. Kyungsoo doesn’t waste any time to stand up and envelop him in a hug the second he’s close enough. There are people walking in and out of the room occasionally, so Kyungsoo doesn’t dare to be bold and keeps the hug short. A very observant person could notice the way Jongin’s hand drags itself over Kyungsoo’s back to linger at the dip though. 

“Let’s, uh, try to find a place more private.”, Kyungsoo says, “I guess I can show you around on our way too then.” Jongin nods and reaches out to wrap his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder, but catches himself quickly when he realizes what he’s doing. His arm drops to his side. 

When they make a beeline for Kyungsoo’s room, they coincidentally pass by the sergeant. Jongin bows in front of him and greets him respectfully, Kyungsoo tells him who that man is fleetingly, and they continue walking. 

The sergeant raises an eyebrow as he spots the pair, because he thinks he recognizes the voice from when he saw Kyungsoo phone sometimes. He and his bandmate seem to be very close judging from how they talk very informally with each other. Kyungsoo’s voice is very soft around him, a tone he has never heard from him towards anybody in the army before. Kyungsoo is also exceptionally smiley today. He looks at them again and notices the tan hand of the younger brushing against Kyungsoo’s with purpose as he seems to be immersed in telling the soldier a story. 

Interesting, he thinks, but chooses to keep the thoughts to himself. Who knew there is the possibility of a squeaky clean idol like Do Kyungsoo having dirt on him?

Arriving at his room, Kyungsoo is surprised to find it vast of other people. His other roommates are a more tight-knit pack than he is with them, so he suspects that they are playing a game of football outside or something of similar kind. Kyungsoo closes the door carefully and sits down next to Jongin on his bed. 

It’s quiet between them for a moment. Kyungsoo is chewing on the inside of his cheek, mouth moving in a circle in that adorable habit of his. In the spur of a moment, Jongin lunges forward, straddles his boyfriend halfway and pulls him in by the neck fast but gently to press his mouth against the others’. Kyungsoo lets out a small surprised gasp, worrying about somebody entering the room any minute – nonetheless he responds to the kiss with the same enthusiasm. He cuts the kiss off sooner than his heart wants too, but he doesn’t want to be exposed, consequently ruining his life in the army either.   
He allows his arms to stay hooked under Jongin’s armpits with his hands clutching onto his lover's shoulders, though. Kyungsoo looks up to the man towering over him, mouth slightly agape as he gets lost in the older’s eyes.

“I’m sorry if that was reckless… I just had to do it.”, Jongin apologizes, “But oh god… I missed you so much.”

He side-eyes the closed, stiff as ever door before he pushes down on Kyungsoo’s full bottom lip with his thumb, dragging it down and admiring the radiant pinkness. He plants one more kiss on the tempting mouth. This time it doesn’t even last a full second before he withdraws again. 

“I missed kissing you so much.”, he sighs out. 

Kyungsoo nods, dumbfounded. “Me too.”

He pushes Jongin away from him so that he settles comfortably next to him on the bed again. Kyungsoo reaches for Jongin’s hand that lays on his boyfriend’s thigh and intertwines their fingers on top of it. He turns his head to his boyfriend to give him a small but genuine smile. Jongin visibly relaxes under his hold and Kyungsoo takes that as a sign to rest his head on his lover’s broad shoulder. Jongin’s stable breathing is like a lullaby to him. 

They soak in each other’s presence when loud noises start erupting from outside of the room. In a matter of seconds the couple detaches themselves from one another and bring a safe distance between the two of them. The door is opened and a bunch of adolescents huddle into their room. Kyungsoo figures they got bored of whatever they were doing or playing together.

It doesn’t take long for his comrades to figure out that there is a well-dressed, unfamiliar person next to their roommate. Their eyes widen as they take in his appearance. 

“Woah, isn’t that...”

“… EXO Kai? Amazing!”

“Oh my god! Can you dance Love Shot for us?”

Jongin laughs as he smiles down to himself shyly and Kyungsoo spares one of his heart-shaped smiles. Soon the man stands up to tease the young men with the gun move during the chorus, Kyungsoo encouraging him with a pat on his lower back. 

His boyfriend’s presence at his station becomes a hit. His comrades and sergeant are so impressed by the two bare minimum moves Jongin executes perfectly and in awe of his character too that Kyungsoo thinks, smiling, Maybe sneaking him in here more often isn’t going to be that much of a problem.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! let me know what you thought of this, because i do not really know what i was doing with this in the first place.
> 
> also if you wanna criticize something and didn't enjoy some parts, feel free to do that too.
> 
> there where some things i left unexplored in this too, so i'm wondering... should i write a sequel?
> 
> if you wanna hit me up, you can find me at @jonginika on twitter and on curiouscat (@jonginsnose) as well!


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